I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
