There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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