No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
