watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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