her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
