please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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