My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
