He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
