First date: that requires underwear, huh?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
