No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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