So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
