I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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