he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
