he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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