Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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