Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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