We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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