listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
