nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
