okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Come see our sink grown plant.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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