well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
