I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
