That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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