just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
