you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
