i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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