Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
