Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
