I feel like abortions should bother me more
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
