The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
