today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
