32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
