I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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