Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
