Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
