that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
