just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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