we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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