: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
