He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
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