I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
