Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
