I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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