you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
