Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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