I can text with my tongue
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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