did you get engaged???
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
