The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
