i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Alive.
So much puke
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
