You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
