drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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