I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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