You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
