I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
