He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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