the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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