He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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