mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Congratulations! We have a period
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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