she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
