I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just had sex on a roof
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
