dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
