I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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