If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
