Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we're making bets on your personal life
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
