i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
