then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
