So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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