Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
