doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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