I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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