please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i was born a porn star she said
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
