My liver just broke up with me...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
