nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
