Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
