I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
