p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
