I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
