Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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