he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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