it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he thought i was a dude.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
