Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
